Or, "How I Stopped Worrying About Life And Learned To Love The Right Person."
Ah, and even now I am still learning. I typed that with a particular person in mind, but even as I wrote it realized that I was still technically thinking wrong... The person I learned to love was ME. I had not loved who I was in a very long time; in fact, I nearly hated who I had become. It took months of medication adjustments, 20 stitches, a week of in-patient, and the start of a divorce to get me back on track. Six years is a long time to lose, but 8 or 10 or longer is even more. Friends now say they worry about me, but the time to worry has passed. I left my downward spiral before I hit rock bottom. I took a look at it, sure, but didn't quite touch it. Seeing it in the distance was real enough for me. Now, I am free to take care of myself in the ways that I had been neglecting; the ways that matter the most.
Apologies for waxing philosophical.
So much to update. Cooking, knitting, word porn, zentangle, cleaning out the apartment, shipmates and battle buddies, Miss Z, Christmas, nostalgia and traditions, medication, true happiness and true love... so much to rant about, to varying degrees of personal.... Uh... Let's just say I'm going to leave some details vague, or missing entirely. For my own good. No more questioning, defending, or comparing the past. Only enjoying the present and looking forward to what's next.
Alas, I am traveling and limited to an iPad, so the more dense posts will have to wait until I am back home. Insomnia and back pain have struck on the East coast. Until I can really hack into updating, here are a couple pictures to tide you all over.
Ah, and even now I am still learning. I typed that with a particular person in mind, but even as I wrote it realized that I was still technically thinking wrong... The person I learned to love was ME. I had not loved who I was in a very long time; in fact, I nearly hated who I had become. It took months of medication adjustments, 20 stitches, a week of in-patient, and the start of a divorce to get me back on track. Six years is a long time to lose, but 8 or 10 or longer is even more. Friends now say they worry about me, but the time to worry has passed. I left my downward spiral before I hit rock bottom. I took a look at it, sure, but didn't quite touch it. Seeing it in the distance was real enough for me. Now, I am free to take care of myself in the ways that I had been neglecting; the ways that matter the most.
Apologies for waxing philosophical.
So much to update. Cooking, knitting, word porn, zentangle, cleaning out the apartment, shipmates and battle buddies, Miss Z, Christmas, nostalgia and traditions, medication, true happiness and true love... so much to rant about, to varying degrees of personal.... Uh... Let's just say I'm going to leave some details vague, or missing entirely. For my own good. No more questioning, defending, or comparing the past. Only enjoying the present and looking forward to what's next.
Alas, I am traveling and limited to an iPad, so the more dense posts will have to wait until I am back home. Insomnia and back pain have struck on the East coast. Until I can really hack into updating, here are a couple pictures to tide you all over.
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