Frustrations

I'm not sure if these feelings are from Fibromyalgia, or my own personal inner demons with motivation, or an ongoing battle to adjust to night shift. Maybe it's even the weather changing to fall--nope, maybe not, that usually makes me feel amazing. But I am pooped. I have no energy. I have no motivation. I have so many ideas, plans, and chores. So many things I want to do. But for every step forward I take, I end up procrastinating the rest. I am loving the research that I'm doing, but today I can hardly understand and process more than a sentence  at a time. I'm running out of time to plant the garden. Our yard is a wreck. And like I said, every time I make a shred of progress, it wears me out so much that I can't follow through. I bought a rake. Since then, it has been too rainy or too late in the day. I finally get the energy and determination to start the laundry, but then once it's out of the drier and into the basket... well, let's just say there's two baskets full of clean laundry down in the garage.

...and there went my train of thought, there went all mental cohesion I was barely hanging on to. I feel a failure, but all I can do is think, "well, I guess I'll do that tomorrow then. If x y and z align."

I Wish I Could Make This Stuff Up...

I don't normally believe in this kind of thing, but there comes a point where "coincidence" just doesn't cut it. Ms. Medium, if you are reading, you should probably stop here and sit this one out, just in case. You know Bad Luck Brian? Well this poor guy embodies that meme. Totally. We thought it started last week, when Babe tried to get himself started on guitar; with a bit of 20/20 Hindsight, it started before that. But here's how it unfolded.

As I mentioned, Babe decided that he was going to learn guitar via Rocksmith... Against my advice, because I'm a snob. But he did ask me to help him pick out a guitar, and I was happy to oblige. So we go on down to Guitar Center and pick something out in his price range. Get all the essentials, too. Once we were home, I go about setting up his strap-locks, because they're a clumsy person's salvation. I check the knob on the neck plate, and it literally snaps off in my hands. So, we go back to GC and luckily the same guy is still on shift. Since we were polite he'd be happy to swap it out for us... except that was the last model at their store. We looked around a bit more, but decide that's really THE guitar. So he checks the inventory and calls a store to clear it, and we head on up to the Supermall store to swap out the guitar. The manager there was really cool about the whole thing.

So we get home and start setting up the Rocksmith stuff. He'd read that any USB-to-1/4" should be compatible with the program... buuuuuuut that's not entirely true. So after hours of frustration, swearing, and troubleshooting, I order the name-brand cable off of Amazon. Because of course no stores in the area carry JUST the cable. When the cable shows up from expedited shipping, his input jack comes loose. Easy fix, sure, but another nail in the coffin.

Next day. He has a guitar. He has the right cable. The program is running... for about 20 minutes. My whole desktop freezes. And not only does it freeze, but it doesn't come back from the hard crash. No kidding. I come home and clear out the dust bunny breeding ground, and with some help from an IT buddy, isolate the problem to most likely be the power supply. Well, come to think of it... a couple weeks earlier, the 1.5 tb I had in the tower pooped out. And, by the way, when my computer crashed, it fried HIS 2.0 gig hard drive, where he'd been pack-ratting movies and TV for the past couple years. Grrrrreat.

On top of all of this, we are moving. We do one day of car-loads of stuff. After that, he is in the early stages of a flare-up. Stupid bodies. Then, we have a lovely house-wide miscommunication that is really silly and frustrating. Three of us broke as a joke, stressed, tired, sore, etc etc etc. You can imagine. With my extra time off, we run Babe over to the VA finally. Sounds like everything should be easy and straight forward... turns out it's not, of course. [insert details here].

I'm glossing over a lot, but fast-forward to today. [Side note, come to think of it, my leave for moving also got denied! Luckily they gave me some unofficial time off, but leave would have been better]. Today, he drops a wifi repeater. Done. Mr. Guns, well, as soon as I got home, his Xbox decided it was going to refuse to work. And when I moved the fish tank from the apartment to the house, I squashed John Snow and thought he was going to die. He seems better now, but still may not make it. Babe dropped a LCD monitor, probably trash now. Even though Century Link was supposed to be out to start up internet today, we're still sitting at almost dial-up speeds. He spent all day dealing with them, but without the account info got nowhere. I got on tonight to talk to their support folks... turns out that they need to send a tech to check the lines, but can't do that until Saturday. If they can fix it great, if not, we might have to talk to the rental company and get them to re-wire the house because of how bad the wiring looks.

They say bad luck comes in threes, right? For him it comes in at least 30s. We're fighting through it, but everyone's tired. It's hard when your 'one-thing-after-another' string is running on three weeks of hellish events. And everyone is wound too tight. Hopefully soon things will smooth over. Until then, I'll take the advice that was blatantly shoved in my face yesterday:

In other news the house is GREAT [aside from potentially bad internet], and the kitties are finally bonding. I can't find the photo of them cuddling, but here is Bill being a goof.

Maybe I'm Just Getting Old, But...

Disclaimer: I try not to use a bunch of swears in my blog, just in case you never know who can stumble across this thing, but this post is going to be impossible without them. I will try to keep them to a minimum.

Last night, I went to Seattle to see Chevelle play the Showbox SoDo. And I was extremely disappointed. This was tough for me, because they are one of my favorite bands. So, my analytical brain took over, and I had a think.

Why was this show disappointing for me? I have a few ideas. I hate to sound like Hipster Steve, but... "When I saw them at Pain in the Grass a few years back, they were SO much better." Okay, but "better" is such a relative term. At Pain in the Grass, they really impressed me. I had no idea that a three-peice rock band could sound so heavy and crunchy and powerful. But now, a handful of albums later, they have really solidified their sound... and they have a sort of trademark heaviness. I wasn't blown away partly because I had such high expectations. And in a weird way, they met them. Their live show sounded almost exactly like the albums. And for me, that's actually a bit of a turn off. I feel that an album and a live set should have a different feeling. One should be more raw... involved... connected?... than the other one.

Maybe they brought all their album tricks to the stage--they certainly did use a lot of vocal effects. Maybe they should tone back their albums about 10%--so that seeing them live is like a slap in the face. Either could be true. But honestly, I have felt more amped up rocking out to the same exact songs in my kitchen. I could turn up the bass in my car, max out my stereo, and get a more intense feeling out of it. I've seen mosh pits that were more fun with much fewer people; I've seen crowds more interactive at a Corson Swift show. Don't get me wrong, I was not in my trademark edge-of-the-pit zone, and it's not like people weren't enjoying themselves. But perhaps it's the difference between a punk show and a hard rock or metal (ish) show. Different levels of energy.

When I see a band live, I want them to touch me, I want to feel like breaking things. And I just didn't get that. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I was too late to get into the vibe. Maybe the venue was too big--I certainly do like smaller crowds and divey-er bars. The audience for some reason was a huge turn off for me; everyone seemed so old. Maybe everyone recording HD video on their damned phones got to me. Maybe missing the opening bands threw me off.

I can say for sure, if I ever get back into music in any significant way, and I'm in a band that ever takes off in a little way, I have my speech prepared. "Hey you, yeah, you people trying to record the whole show on your cell phones so you can out-hipster everyone else and prove you were there... stop trying to document the show and actually experience it. Try to have fun. You'll remember that better when you look back than just watching some crappy bumpy video you post on YouTube. If you've got a phone held up... go to the freakin back of the room and let the kids who want to have fun dance around."

The one thing that saved this show was the encore. Finally, they played "The Red," for one. For two, some kid made a joke about playing air guitar. So the singer had him come up on stage and told him if he promised to play air guitar for the whole next song, they'd let him. Then he found out the kid played REAL guitar too... and had a roadie bring him the backup guitar. And this kid played on stage with Chevelle. I can only imagine how elated he must have felt (he obviously loved the band).

I envy him that feeling. It made me want to play again. Now, if I only had more hours in the day, or more days in the weekend, I could get back to it. Lately I've found myself singing more, wanting to learn songs again. But I can't imagine a band where I could play all the songs I've ever wanted to cover. No one would come to those shows. And I still can't write from scratch. I wonder if it would be possible to somehow have a band that combines Chevelle and Alkaline Trio... and what that would even sound like.

On another plus side: the boy bought a guitar today. He's intent on using Rocksmith to learn. I have my misgivings, but he's sold on it, so I'll be supportive... I am a little excited to see how this pans out. And just the other day I was thinking about getting a guitar to try and learn some covers. So win-win. 

Tacoma Epidemic [a Reverse Manifesto]

So, Backstage Bar & Grill is starting to suffer. Which is sad, they've only been open for maybe two years, max. They are having a benefit show, which is instant bad news. Also from their facebook:

...help support live music. Tacoma just lost Hell's Kitchen and is on the verge of losing another [venue]. 

 Currently they are the only real live music venue in the area. Okay, Louie G's is sticking in there, but they are the newest on the scene, fresh-faced and hopeful, so they're still on the upward climb... soon they will follow the same fate as every other bar in town. They will peak, and they will fall. Over the past few years, I have seen almost every decent venue rise, peak, fall, attempt to bounce back, and ultimately fail.

I think the saddest and most recent was afore-mentioned Hell's Kitchen. They weren't able to pass code at the old location, on 6th Ave, so they moved to Pacific. Where they still couldn't pass code. Now they are closed for good, and Tacoma is the one getting screwed. Hell's Kitchen was a 253 staple for many years, a cultural mecca for us, if you will. Before that, we lost the Cedarwood Dome--probably one of the coolest bars around, since you could smoke inside and Levi would usually run a hookah bar on the third floor. Before that, we lost the all ages venues. When Hell's Kitchen moved, they stopped doing all ages shows. The Viaduct tried to pick up the slack, but ultimately lost their fight with the economy. There's no money in all ages shows, since there's no liquor sales. Before that, we lost Station 56, which had great sound and lights, and was almost always packed. Still not sure why they even closed.
 

It's happier here, trust me...

The first bar I can recall to go down the tubes was epic Maggie O'Toole's in Lakewood. We actually played there for their farewell show, when half the crowd and the ex-owner got taken to jail by a "surprise" raid. We almost lost our gear to the cops. However, I did buy a pretty sweet beer sign that night, as well as an Alaskan Amber tap pull for my dad.

Come to think of it, we even lost our best [in my opinion] rock radio station a couple years ago, KFNK. They're trying to bounce back with "The Brew," but we'll see how long that lasts. We had the Bye-Bye Monkey party for DJ Justin at Hell's Kitchen, ironically.

When I think back over all the clubs and bars I have played in the past three or four years... I can count the ones that are still open in the South Sound on one hand: Uncle Sam's and Jazzbones. Uncle Sam's is a tiny, generally awful biker bar; Jazzbones seems to be changing its audience and moving away from rock shows.

In fact, I'm not entirely sure I understand why every single rock club is struggling. Is it bad bands? Is it a lack of promotion? Ticket sales? Liquor sales? Is it just this god-awful economy? I don't understand why this is happening, but I can tell you it means the local music community will be taking a big hit. We'll be forced to play further and further away, which will make shows harder to come by. The competition for those shows will become tougher, with more bands competing for fewer gigs. Most bands will be driven underground and forced back into playing house parties, or fighting tooth and nail to see who can kiss the top Pay-to-Play jerk's ass.

Either way, the next few years aren't looking so good for musicians. It's already a rarity to get paid for a show... you're lucky if you get drink tickets... Now it's going to be musicians reaching into their own pockets in order to put on their own shows. That's what some of my friends are doing. Granted, I also have some acquaintances currently on tour, doing fairly well with their record label backing... but neither of them came from the Northwest. So what the hell are we doing here? Is Tacoma really going to just roll over and die musically, after having such a strong heartbeat for so long? Or am I just completely off my rocker? ...um, no pun intended. The only people showing up at shows any more are other bands... in case you didn't know better, this is wrong! So, I guess, get out there and support your friends. Because in the near future, you're going to lose your chance to.

okay, maybe the joke is a little out-dated,
but the sentiment remains the same.

Counting down the hours...

I eat alone. I’m not complaining. It gives me time to think. Thinking of course, leads to ranting…

So. I am all for Israel’s “do your mandatory service, get free college” concept. They have a great military and some pretty awesome brains as well. Good system. However. Being somewhat older than the “norm,” I am constantly appalled at the ignorance and immaturity in the US military. Granted, that’s what happens when you take in a bunch of fresh-faced 18-to-20 year olds and turn them loose amongst themselves to be self-governed. But I still can’t believe the utter lack of common sense and common courtesy… things we take for granted; they’re not as “common” as those of us who DO have them would think.

I do not regret going to college first. I wish I hadn’t waited so long after college to enlist. I also wish I had gone straight to the officer program; or that I had gone to a school with ROTC. But I always rebelled against the military, I never would have thought I would be in my own shoes today. I suppose if I had been more open minded, I could have planned for the possibilities. But anyways. My point is, I am a lot wiser and developed because I waited. I made my mistakes. I made my choices. I got out on my own and tried to LIVE. Which is more than I can say for some of the other 20-somethings I know through the military [okay, at least one exception comes to mind there]. Seriously, I know people who are a mere two or three years younger than me who are talking about buying their first car. Like, first car ever. I bought my first car when I was 17, for $300, after working at a video store for the summer.

Sigh. I guess it’s just too much to ask for from some people. For them to chew with their mouth shut, to hold the door for others, to give way if someone’s carrying something down the hall, to keep their voices down to a dull roar, to not loiter for the sake of loitering. Or to even know what the word “loitering” means.

I remember when my step-brother graduated from Marine bootcamp down in Pendleton. Sadly he wasn’t able to see that journey through, but the Marines sure do a total re-education kind of thing. He said at dinner that night that he could point out all the civilians in the crowd because they ate with their elbows on the table, shoveling food in their faces, didn’t remove their hats at the table, didn’t use napkins, etc. He also pointed out that he could tell I was raised by someone in the military, just by my table manners. I very much wish we had gone through the same kind of thing. That alone would save me some heartache.

My apologies, theoretical internet audience. Being around large quantities of people, especially those who don’t respect anyone, makes me irritable and long winded. I hope someone somewhere could get something out of all this… if it makes just one person do something to brighten another’s day [or at least lessen the shittiness], then I have succeeded at something.

Haze Grey +15

Man this sucks. I’ve managed to get almost completely backwards and barely able to write. Pretty much I’m going 24/up 12/down, and it’s not exactly working out.

Today I ran for 55 min and clocked 4.45 miles. I didn’t run yesterday because of my lovely adventures with the Admiral and his bad news… crab legs and ice cream do not for a deployment redeem. I did however have fun last night making a fairly inclusive list on Amazon to help out. I think the day before that I ran for 55 minutes and only managed 4 miles. I was really not feeling so hot and only made myself go so that I could try to get back on schedule.

So, what is with girls and showers? We only have three of them, and there’s roughly 30-40 of us. No joke, I waited for about ten minutes, took a shower, and got out, and one of the other girls still wasn’t done. It was fairly ridiculous. Granted I didn’t shave today, but what on earth can possibly take that long? Wash your self and get out. On a semi-related note, I can’t stand people who decide they should have their meetings in the middle of a high-traffic hallway. Seriously. Kind of goes along with the “who ever is carrying the heaviest or bulkiest item gets the right of way” concept. I mean, that’s common sense, right? Wait… military… that’s right, common sense isn’t welcome here.  

I was watching some stupid show today, Family Jewels I think—not by choice—and, well, I gotta say. Maybe it’s our accelerated culture pushing everything to overkill, but I am really sick of the general public’s “support the troops” façade. Everyone puts on such a big show about it, but aside from talking a big game, what does anyone really do? You say you respect veterans, but do you really? You can stand on your moral soap box all you want, but the truth is, America tends to take its military for granted. I think this whole “Support Our Troops” movement is just a bunch of hype, a bunch of people just jumping on a bandwagon that they support intellectually but not in any other life changing aspect. Sure celebrities go to the USO and Walter Reed Military Hospital, and I guess that’s great and all, but what about the rest of us? I get really sick of seeing so much cheesy “positive thoughts” propaganda… but how many people actually work to do something about it? And I don’t just mean donate to organizations, because I think that’s a load of bullshit no matter what organization it is. Money is stupid. Donate your TIME and EFFORTS. Like the church that sends us pillowcases so we can have a bit of color in our day. Or friends and family who actually write letters or send pictures and care packages. Maybe the world has a skewed view of what they think “helps” or what is “important” to active duty deployed military folks.  

Okay, I’m done here. You can have this soapbox back.