Long Time, No Post.

Or, "How I Stopped Worrying About Life And Learned To Love The Right Person."

Ah, and even now I am still learning. I typed that with a particular person in mind, but even as I wrote it realized that I was still technically thinking wrong... The person I learned to love was ME. I had not loved who I was in a very long time; in fact, I nearly hated who I had become. It took months of medication adjustments, 20 stitches, a week of in-patient, and the start of a divorce to get me back on track. Six years is a long time to lose, but 8 or 10 or longer is even more. Friends now say they worry about me, but the time to worry has passed. I left my downward spiral before I hit rock bottom. I took a look at it, sure, but didn't quite touch it. Seeing it in the distance was real enough for me. Now, I am free to take care of myself in the ways that I had been neglecting; the ways that matter the most.

Apologies for waxing philosophical.

So much to update. Cooking, knitting, word porn, zentangle, cleaning out the apartment, shipmates and battle buddies, Miss Z, Christmas, nostalgia and traditions, medication, true happiness and true love... so much to rant about, to varying degrees of personal.... Uh... Let's just say I'm going to leave some details vague, or missing entirely. For my own good. No more questioning, defending, or comparing the past. Only enjoying the present and looking forward to what's next.

Alas, I am traveling and limited to an iPad, so the more dense posts will have to wait until I am back home. Insomnia and back pain have struck on the East coast. Until I can really hack into updating, here are a couple pictures to tide you all over.

Another Longwinded Nutshell

Greetings, fair readers, assuming you exist. I know I have been very inconsistent with this bloggy-ness-thing. Life happens. Fortunately, I do still take lots of pictures, and duty days of boredom and loneliness are actually a good chance to write, if you want to start doing that glass-half-whatever thing. I have been up and down and dabbling across many fields [as I tend to do], so I'm going to repeat a previous format and see how it goes. This promises to be long-winded, so by all means feel free to skip to the parts that interest you.

 

Yarn Stuffs:

I finally got ballsy and decided to see exactly how much I knitted and crocheted while on deployment. This is the result. I'm not sure I'm quite ready to start putting the blanket together yet, and I'm actually starting to get a little nervous about how many various qualities, textures, weights, and sizes there are of squares. Girl night scheduled soon in order to divvy up squares for everyone. In related news, I have so much scrap yarn from this project that I have decided to start a random side-project blanket, which I have deemed 'the Ugliest Blanket in the Universe.' It is mindless, simple, and we'll see where it goes.

I am considering starting a file or notebook titled 'Cozy Compendium,' because if there's an inanimate object out there, there's damn sure a cozy for it. So far the only thing I have successfully completed in the cozy department is a skillet-handle-cover, and wow, yes, that was so worth it. My list of tiny things to make for friends is ever increasing, and I should probably get to work on those if I want to have ANYthing ready to go by Christmas.

Critter Stuffs:

What originally started as Hubs randomly suggesting 'Let's get a fish for the kitties!' has endured much research and much startup capital, and now results in us having a full-blown aquarium. Nothing too fancy, just a 10 gallon tank. We're starting the nitrogen cycle with a [Half-Moon] Betta [Hank, named after Henry Rollins], a snail [Etienne, because that's French for 'Steve'], and a small handful of ghost shrimp. I still really want to get some sort of Pleco, and hubs is gunning for some tetras since Bettas are supposed to 'tolerate' them. Hank is actually a darker blue, but he gets shiny and aqua in some lights. So far Miss Z is fascinated, she has tried to pat the tank a few times [she is a very feet-y cat]. Orange is mildly amused, but seems to think that he needs human chauffeuring to get from floor to desktop. The Princess could care less. 

Plant Stuffs:

So far, so good. Aside from occasionally forgetting to water them [the sunflower is the only one that can't handle it], me being home really does make all the difference. The aloe pups are still growing, and the sunflower will bloom... eventually. The only thing I'm not sure about is the mystery plant might be getting too much sun and I'm thinking it might be time to repot it into a larger home. 

Also, I was cruising through Safeway the other day and found THIS little guy... er, big guy rather! It was a little more expensive and I was skeptical of buying him from a grocery store, but upon closer inspection, this plant is WORLDS better than the ones I have bought from actual 'plant stores' via Amazon. I am excited to repot this sucker into some peat moss and perhaps settle him in to a shelf over the kitchen sink. [Note to self, build shelf over kitchen sink.]

 Music Stuffs:
Maybe I will do full reviews later on in an effort to blog more often, but, I have a couple new albums. Cursory listen to Middle Class Rut left me somewhat unimpressed, while the new MSI album is exactly what I'd expect from them plus a little more edge.

As far as personal music goes, well, the pendulum tends to swing between extremes. We were overdoing it a couple weeks ago, and followed that up with almost no musical activity to speak of. We're trying to reach a balancing point between the two, but we'll see. Still feeling kind of suck/dumb on keys, and haven't learned or practiced anything in a while. For bass, I managed to solidify a couple newer covers and hammer out a couple of Corson's originals. Hubs eventually wants to record them for an EP. The tour has also been postponed, and that band has petered out as a result.

Geek Stuffs:
Definitely not as active in this department as I was a few weeks ago. Have put a bit more time into Civ5 BNW and come to the conclusion that Brazil is just not a good strategy in a multiplayer game. Tried XCOM for about a half a second but was feeling impatient with the tutorial.

Read the Oatmeal.
Can't remember what else I was going to put here.

Work Stuffs:

We made a lot of progress on our actual work, and the contractors still love me. I recalculated my scores and I should probably make the next promotion pretty easily. However, getting very discontent and frustrated with the drama and politics. Starting to lean towards 'FTN I'm OUT!' instead of reenlisting. Some days it's just not worth it and I want my life back. But anyways.

 

Gym Stuffs:

Perhaps this should be filed under 'work stuffs,' but it's hard to say since the two are so dreadfully intertwined. I need to shave a whole minute off my 1.5 mile in about a month. I'm sure it's doable, but I'm not having the best time trying to make time to run at home. I'm sure you can imagine. However, with a little effort I should actually be able to make it into the 'excellent' category for pushups [37] and 'good' for situps [54]. That would equate to like, a B and a C if we were talking school grades. My run is a metaphorical D-.

Kitchen Stuffs:

Another rather dull section, really. I still cook, all the time... Because I EAT all the time... but, really, nothing fun, new, or interesting going on here that I can recall.

Mind & Body Stuffs:
Sleep is still very much out of whack, and my back hurts more often that not. Today is a pretty bad hand-day, but I have an appointment with a neurologist next month to continue the diagnostic process. Finally have an appointment to look at some new medications... just so happens to fall on my 'day off' about four or five hours after I WAS going to get to head home. And again, I live roughly an hour away, so it's not like I could go home for lunch or a nap or anything and go back out. Hopefully better updates on this topic in the future.

Plantses Intro

So as you all may know, or at least if you read my general update thinggie, mah garden is all deadses. Except for the aloe I replaced, the sunflower Sir William donated, and the Mystery Plant That Will Not Die. Well, I've read about aloe 'pups' before, and my last really pretty pink/rosy aloe had popped two pups before it died. Not having any clue how to handle them, I've kept them around. Just kind of winging it. Well, somehow now that I am home, this is happening:

 Mah lil' pup is growing! I'd bought the plain aloe in consolation, but it turns out that in a few years or whatever, I may very well have my rosy aloe back. D'awwww.

In other news, here are the other sunflower and Mystery Plant.

Hopefully I will remember to blog more often... after a day of watching HAWP, well, that just deserves it's own post, so, spoiler alert for next time.

Limited Resources Update

Aha! I have returned from the Giant Pacific Ocean unscathed-at least
physically. Actually, I've been home for about two months now. Adjusting
takes a while. I am on duty today; without really getting into details,
suffice to say that I have zero access to photos, links, or basically
anything of any interest besides a pure outwash of words. Mah'pologies.
Also, deal with it. I may or may not supplement photos and links later,
we'll see. I might just move on. I'd like to get back into this whole
'writing' and 'blogging' business... ironic bunny quotes. I've put it
off quite a bit. Here's a crash course on my current... stuffs, so that
I can feel some closure [or whatever?] before I start updating regularly
again. Just so no one is lost. Without further ado or explanation,
consider this to be your 'Previously, on...' before the regular season
starts back up.

Yarn Stuffs: Well, all the girls at home seem to have stopped doing any
yarn things. True, they are all quite busy and don't have as much wasted
time to kill as I do, where I NEED to be entertained by something
analog. However, I do have three whole USPS Flat-Rate boxes full of
squares to sort out. I am going to take a picture of total squares that
were done before I left, the total squares I did on deployment, and then
the whole pile of them together. After that, I will sort out which and
how many I am donating to the others. The running gag is that I've
probably finished everyone else's quilts for them-but seriously, there
might be enough squares to start putting things together! I finished
half of the twisty 'Mermaid' scarfs, and two of the gals LOVE them. Have been
putting off picking up yarn to finish the last two. Because you know,
you cant buy just one... or two... or four...

Critter Stuffs: Sigh. They didn't forget me. They still love me. They
have every bit of personality that I remember, and even more so. Miss Z
has realized what 'sea-bags' are... I had to cart so much stuff home
from work that it took me about three different duty days. Every time I
would pack up a sea-bag and sit it by the door, she would get mopey and
cranky and disappear. The sea-bags are hiding in the closet now, and she
likes to come sit on my lap and make muffins. Team Orange is no longer a
united front-civil war? Something like that. Grr and Z spoon and have
conversations-no joke, the other day he bopped her on the head, said
'mrowwww,' and made room for her to cuddle. The Princess licked me on
the forehead the other night. They really do pay attention to our
behavior.

Plant Stuffs: Soooooo... yes, of course, EVERYthing died while I was
gone. Well! Not entirely everything. The Mystery Plant, although now
without flowers, is still hanging in there. Since I've been home it has
almost doubled in size. My ALOE died. Seriously. My lovely pink stripey
aloe... I don't know how they did it, but they did. I was so sad that I
bought a regular boring aloe to replace it. BUT! Luckily I saved two
pups from the rosy aloe, despite their already-dead appearance, and at
least one of them seems to be sprouting a bright green thing. Sir
William the Pepper Whisperer also gave me a baby sunflower in
condolences for my lost garden. I almost killed that too. Shame on me.
It's doing alright now, except something decided to feast on one of the
leaves a couple days ago. We are going to hold off on the gardening for
this year since I came home so late, but I think I am going to snag a
potted bamboo plant soon. Sir William and Ms. Hellzinger have the most
enormous and amazing garden, so I will just kind of live [er plant, er
harvest?] vicariously through them.

Work Stuffs: Have been transferred to a 'team' instead of my 'division.'
At first I was pretty upset by this, thinking that maybe I wasn't 'good
enough' at my job or that they were trying to 'get rid' of me. Now, I'm
not supposed to brag, so I'll just be brief. It's a MUCH better
situation for me logistically... and it's actually a lot of fun and a
bit of a light work out. Lots more perks. Essentially I'm responsible
for demo & construction of living spaces on the ship. So, I spend the
day drilling out rivets, unbolting-er, bolts-and then dragging every
possible piece we can rip up-out-or-off, off of the ship. The
contractors are pretty cool; one of them is in a band I vaguely remember
and another one keeps asking if I've 'considered making a career out of
this?'

Kitchen Stuffs: Handy with power tools, and not bad behind a stove,
either! Yes, I washed my hands first. Nothing particularly new in the
kitchen department; I haven't lost my touch, and that's about all I can
say. Discovered Manhattan Clam Chowder [vs. New England style] a little
while ago, must find more or learn to make it. We had a curry party
recently, where I tried my hand at a lentil-chickpea crockpot version,
and apparently it was awesome. I do have a giant stack of recipes in a
folder that we are supposed to be trying... but time and effort.

Gym Stuffs: Yeahhhhhh no. Sorry. I am epic fail in this department.
Haven't been working out for quite some time now. Unfortunately for me,
we are home this time and WILL hands down have to run the 1.5 mile.
Yikes. I need to get on this. I've only been to yoga twice since I've
been home, and that bums me out. I keep meaning to just throw something
new on the tv or grab my ipod and go to the porch... but there's so much
going on that I never remember it until it's totally the wrong time.

Music Stuffs: Hrm, where to start. Well, Corson Swift has learned about
four new songs, and has two or three shows booked this month. I have
also been working on keys/synth for Zero Love, who also has two shows
booked this month. It's a lot different. I can't get both my hands going
at once, but apparently I do kind of have an ear for 80s new wave. In
addition to that, Dreams Jaded is starting to practice again in
preparation for the 2013 NW TOUR WITH DOGS from JAPAN. OMG. The reason
this is exciting is a) their last bassist now lives in Ohio, soooo,
yeah, who is already familiar with the songs and can learn the rest of
them quickly, is adorable, and a better roadie anyways? This girl. Also
b) Since DOGS is from Japan and only one of them really speaks passable
English, 'this girl' is also more or less Tour Manager and Booking
Contact. Double excitement. Hubs always has some various metal studio
project on the back burner; unfortunately he is mixing some older stuff
with some newer stuff, so some lyrics I wrote for certain songs might be
resurfacing... except Sir William is already playing bass. But
apparently no worries, with my new-found ability to mash buttons and
pitch-bend, there is room for me on keys if it starts to take off. So,
that puts me in roughly 3.5 bands for the time being.

Geek Stuffs: Ooooh, also a dense topic! A lot of these topics will
probably resurface in the near future as I am still incredible excited
about all of them. First of all, Borderlands 2. Need I say more? Not
really. Oh, except I do: Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep. UM, YES.
Seriously. It's a super hot month, because in a couple days Brave New
World [Civ V's next expansion] will launch as well, including playable
civs such as Brazil and Poland. Teehee, Poland. Not to mention the new
[or at least new to me] Steam Workshop-where you can grab tons of free
mods and apps that make wonderful games even better. Then there's
Torchlight 2. Seriously, my list of games to play is so long right now-I
still haven't even finished Portal 2 single player. So there's that.
While I was gone, hubs took the liberty of throwing together a new
laptop and a new desktop for me, so that I can keep up with him on
gaming. They both run like a dream, and we even got a neat clear case
for like $30 on Craigslist... with LED fans! My old laptop is being
requisitioned for use as a midi multi-controller. Unfortunately, now
that myself and my hard drives are home, combined with Hubs' hard
drives, I now have the unfortunate task-unless you're OCD like me, in
which case it is actually somewhere between insanely fun and insanely
irritating-of organizing, compiling, and cleaning out roughly 7 tb of
data. The rotten thing is that I am so scared of losing data, that I
have managed to duplicate a LOT of folders. We have also successfully
made a 1-watt guitar amp, almost done with the 1-watt bass version, and
have a working prototype [on a test board] of Hubs' Stutter Pedal. He
wants to adjust one of the resistors to get a slower stutter, but
honestly, I can't believe how easy some of this stuff is. The physical
skill of soldering something tiny and delicate is the hardest part. If
you're looking for bulk components for similar projects, check out
Jameco. They also have a lot of cool starter kits.

In Other News: without getting too personal here, and partly because I'm
already covering a lot of topics [such is my life, never a dull
moment-so much to do, so little free time], I've recently been seeing a
counselor and a psychologist. Long story. But anyways, the story behind
it is unimportant for now. Just know that although I'm certainly no
expert, I may be adding some mental health posts, particularly on the
topics of Bipolar and Borderline personalities. This may off-shoot into
an entirely different blog, as there is likely an adventure in my near
future. But for example, Trent Reznor of NIN is diagnosed BP2, and turns
out he actually wrote The Fragile about it. Some other songs from
Downward Spiral also seem to fit. But that's a rant for later.

Let it be known...

…that I can hit 10 miles on the exercise bike and knit squares at the same time.

Just… just so you know.

 

We got our unofficial notice for fitness deadline. It will be weigh ins only again, so no run or pushups to worry about. I’m still at a 29” waist and 43” hips, according to my measurements, so I should be fine. I can pull a few more inches off of that by the time April rolls around.

 

One of my best buds at home sent me not only cookies, BUT also a homemade blanket that is absolutely amazing and fluffy and cuddly and I LOVE it! I also started working on the Mermaid Scarf, pics to come later, whenever I hit land. And my dad also sent me a bitchin care package as well from SWA.

 

Damn, I thought I had more to say, but now I’ve forgotten most of it.