Sunday, January 24, 2016

A Bittersweet Pill

Before I start: Genius managed to actually wear a hole in his bandage [which he was supposed to wear til Tuesday] soooooo it ended up ripping pretty bad and then I had to cut it off. How is he so destructive?! He's been in a cone the whole time!


So, when I visit my folks, I usually manage to find all the old photos, and start taking photos of them. I've been fighting for about two days with Flickr to do minor edits on them [just a little cropping and light balance] to no avail. I got pretty irritated and might just bail on Flickr. But then I still need a way to group and organize my photos, so I turned to the built-in Google option. Now, this is where my phone auto-backups to. Yeah. So. There's a TON of crap. At least... there was.

I was able to clean out a lot of crap. And I started two albums. Still, there's a lot of work to do. I wish my phone didn't upload automatically, but if I try to do it manually, I end up forgetting and losing damn near everything. I still have a ton of albums in my head--I categorize obsessively. Anyways, so, I get to looking at all these pictures from about two years ago. Right after I came home from the hospital. The time that I had weigh-in's dropped in my lap unexpectedly and actually managed to pass--including the fitness portion too [thank god for the alternate cardio option!]. It reminded me of when I first got out of bootcamp. So then I went on facebook and looked at those pictures.

Wow. Seriously, wow.

Now granted... Since then I have hit two deployments, gone through a divorce, been diagnosed with a handful of wonderful syndromes, left the military, and been on a terrible medication regimen. But wow. I'm not going to give numbers or after-pics, just know that I'm not healthy. To say I'm not happy with my current weight is an understatement--but if you've known me for any length of time, you know this is generally normal. But to rub my own nose in it... to see what I am capable of... I can't tell if I'm frustrated or inspired.

Trying to stay positive: I have been home from vacation for about two weeks now [I think]. Rather than ruin vacation, I decided to start my journey once I got home. So far, I can at least boast this: two weeks.

--Step one was to get off the medication. Check.
--Step two was to stop eating out. Semi-check. I still have to hit the deli now and then, but it's not too hard to get semi-healthy choices from a couple places around town. Sushi now and then, or a sandwich on a high pain day, things like that. But the concept is, cook at home and control ingredients. Now if I could just get portion control down!
--Step three is the hydration step. I've never been big on sodas, but I generally avoid water like the plague. I tend to drink too much coffee throughout the day--and I'm talking like a 24 oz latte. Instead, I've switched to a French Press at home, which is good for about two cups a day. I;m also doing better about water in general. Semi-check.
--Step four is the one I hate the most... exercise. Chalk it up to the depression/dysthymia issue, but on a logic level, I know that once I'm finished working out I'll feel better. But it's everything that leads up to that point that makes me drag my feet and avoid it. We now have a weight set at home, so I need to be hitting that twice a week. Ideally, I want to do hot yoga twice a week, but the puppy can't be unsupervised yet so that's out. I could do regular yoga at home... *effort*. The one thing I can't avoid, though, is walking to class. So instead of taking a full courseload while I try to get my health in order, I am auditing a class at my old college. It's free, but I get no credit. But. Class is walking distance from my house. But so far I have only been to one class. Hopefully this works. Not-Quite-Check-at-All.
--Step five is another really easy one that I've been avoiding. There are a handful of supplements that I know work for me, both for pain and weight loss. I should be taking them. I have I think all of them. Why don't I take them? I hate pills. And I haven't established my routine yet. [that's just an excuse].

Anyways, thanks for bearing with me. I needed to vent, if you could call it that. I don't want to be a health food gym rat. But at the same time... I kind of need to be. At least for right now.

No comments:

Post a Comment