Monday, May 30, 2016

Achievement Unlocked!

First of all, my conscience will not let me start a blog on this day without taking a moment to acknowledge the holiday. Today is Memorial Day, where we take a moment to pause in remembrance for those who have fallen for the survival of our country. We pause to thank them for their sacrifice and appreciate the freedoms we have because of them. [side note: I think they'd all be quite appalled at the state of things if they could see America "the Beautiful" now...] So, a moment of respect and reverence for "those who have gone before  [us] to defend freedom and democracy around the world. "

Greater love hath no one than he who lays down his life for his friend.

Speaking of Love, that's what I actually wanted to write about today. Well, more accurately, Balance. Okay, Balance AND Love. That was the blessing my mom always asked for me. It was my goal in life to find the two. I used to think it meant that I needed to be balanced in order to find love. Turns out, that's not so true. Although I'm more balanced than I used to be, I've still got a long way to go. However, I've managed to find love, and I think it's the love that's bringing me into balance. We create the balance together because of our love. Let me illustrate.

For the past couple of days, I've been feeling really cruddy. And quite overworked with school. On days like this, my honey is the sweetest person in existence. He takes the best care of Sad Rolls. He brought me chocolate milk and a big cookie [the cookie was a surprise] and cleaned up around the house because I had a group meeting coming over. Days when I am at school all day, he cooks, cleans, or does yard work. He makes sure that I don't have to stress about little things at home so that I can focus on studies. He makes sure the puppy is cared for. That's great and all, but now check this out....

Today he got called in to drive for the dispensary where he used to volunteer. They pretty much only call him for emergencies now [but I'm guessing the "emergency" was someone's BBQ plans]. So he's a little grumpy about that, and didn't sleep well either. What I am about to say next is completely unspoken between us, unless it's in retrospect. But, today it's my turn to clean up the kitchen, make sure he has something to eat after being on the road, clean clothes, a soft place to come home and get some affection to refuel him throughout the day. Today it's my turn to take care of him. And not because I "owe him" for taking care of me yesterday. But because I love him. I don't owe him, I care. Big difference. Love cannot be tit for tat. There is a balance to be strck, yes, and there must be fairness; but you have to look at the overall. I don't do nice things for him because I feel bad, or guilty, or any negative hidden connotations. I do nice things for him because when he feels good, I feel good. I do nice things because it makes me feel good to do them. And it feels good because he notices and appreciates them. And I try my best to make sure that he knows I notice and appreciate what he does too.

We both struggle. We both hurt. We both have bad days... and good days! And we have them together. Because everything is better [or at least, less bad] together. Balance is not something you just achieve once and forget. Balance is an ongoing goal, one that takes constant adjustment. Kind of like yoga--it's a practice. It can get easier, but it's not always going to be at 100%. It fluctuates. Balance is an equal and even exchange of energies.

I have officially dried out my brain on the topic. I think there was more I wanted to write, but It's not flowing so I'm not going to force it. Instead I'm going to tape up my wrist and get to work on some of my school projects.

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