Saturday, July 14, 2012

Things I Will One Day Learn:

-Always go to bed ten minutes ago. Especially if you are thinking, “Man, I should go to bed soon.” Every minute you stay up is borrowing trouble.
-Do not answer the phone after ‘reasonable’ working hours, unless someone knows where you are and could be actually looking for you.
-Eat when you can, even if you don’t think you’re hungry, because you never know the next time you’ll be able to
-Nothing good ever happens after midnight
-Don’t ask questions to things you don’t want the answer to….
-Any time you leave to go anywhere, take at minimum: one flat head, one Phillips head, a black pen, and one monkey wrench. In a pinch, a Gerber or Leatherman will do.
-Slamming doors is fine and dandy until someone jams the lock and can’t get back in.

You really know you have a problem when your last dream in the morning—the one where you start to get lucid and conscious, start to realize you’re waking up—is a half an hour argument about making and drinking enough coffee. I forget who I was arguing with, but I definitely woke up dreaming about coffee.

Also, I hear from hubby the super man that some bath-salts zombie dude tried to break into our house last night… or at least throw himself repeatedly into the sliding glass door. Hubby wanted to shoot him in the face with the compound bow, but ma-in-law talked him into settling for the cops. Apparently the same exact scenario happened not more than one mile from our apartment, at almost the same exact time, except they had a gun. We’ll be getting one shortly.

No comments:

Post a Comment